The Vampire James Bond
by Nightcrawlerlover
Summary: AU twoshot. Buffy turns from a vampire back into a Slayer with a mystery cure. Spike still has his soul. Then a vampire James Bond comes into the picture. R&R, please.
1. Not an ordinary teen

**Hey there! Here's an AU Buffy crossover story I decided to cook up one day. In this one, Buffy turns from a vampire back into a Slayer with a mystery cure. Spike still has his soul. Then a vampire James Bond comes into the picture.**

**Disclaimer: Genius Joss Whedon owns Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I own the fanfics I cook up from time to time.**

* * *

The Vampire James Bond

After being sure the ill-intentioned bleached blond had gone, the teen with dark brown eyes and long black hair watched the blond girl as she sat on the ground with her head buried in her knees. She was hugging her legs while simultaneously carrying on (or better yet, pretending to) and sobbing for the scare.

So, he got close enough in order to calm her down. He then knelt and patted her on the shoulder in what he hoped to be a comforting manner.

"Hey there, little girl. Don't be afraid anymore. It's over. I know it is," he said.

Suddenly, a devilish laughter was in place of her former sobs, and that bewildered him. The bewilderment transfigured into disconcertedness, which grew when he met her gaze. The light, the fire in those eyes of hers wasn't a good sign at all. He somehow sensed that something – although he didn't know what – was about to happen.

"Poor dumb mortal. It's not over. In fact, now that I look at it, I believe that it's only the beginning…"

She then got up with quite an amazing rapidity, while he was backing away, trying to escape.

But it was too late. She grabbed him roughly by one arm, and then threw him against the ground with a strength he thought was quite something for a girl her age.

_Where did that innocent helpless girl I had a calling for protecting go? _he wondered.

Then he heard another laugh. This one happened to be a male one, and it was more scary than the girl's. The laugh was then followed by a disquieting noise of steps that resounded in the alley. Laboriously he turned to the direction of the steps, to realize that the owner of that terrible laughter was nonetheless the very same peroxide-blond guy he had kicked away only a few minutes before. Even more incomprehensible was the fact that, right then, the girl abandoned herself lasciviously in his arms.

"It's kind of odd, kid. I mean, you think you've rescued her. But the truth is that no one will rescue you from us!"

Approaching the teen, he lifted him roughly and was soon holding him by his neck with one hand.

"By the way, this is for punching me before!"

Then, with the other hand, he gave him a very strong punch that sent him onto the ground, at Buffy's feet nearby.

"And this is for calling me ‛little girl'!" snapped Buffy before she then kicked him in the stomach. Then Buffy came back to Spike and gave him a short kiss.

Spike then said, "Pet, I think he has suffered enough."

He then approached with her to their scared victim, who, with the last effort he had in him, was able to make his last question.

"W…wh-who th-the h-h- hell are you two?"

Buffy and Spike looked at each other and laughed together, giving an understanding gaze.

"I'm Spike," said Spike.

"And I'm Buffy," replied Buffy.

"Now that we have introduced ourselves to you…" He slipped in his game face, which made the teen even more scared especially when Buffy did the same.

Then they finished their sentence in unison.

"…we can kill you!"

Just as they were about to sink their fangs into their prey's neck, something happened.

He began glowing with a bright golden light. Then he rose up into the air. The light was so bright that Spike and Buffy had to shield their eyes. At the same time they were slipping back into their human faces. The golden light then disappeared, and the teen from before casually stood there, now all calm, cool and collected. When Buffy and Spike got a good look at him, their eyes widened in both shock and recognition. He was good-looking with dark brown eyes and black hair, and he was also wearing a red shirt covered by a black coat and black pants. On his feet were black penny loafers.

"You! You're…you're… I've seen you before!" said Buffy. A look of confusion crossed her features, as did Spike's.

"But who are you, mate?" asked Spike.

"The name's Feldman – Corey Scott Feldman," said Corey. "I'm a vampire James Bond, if you will."

He stepped over to them. Then, much to their amazement, he slipped into a vampire face and hissed at them in a catlike way before slipping back into a human visage, smiling all the while.

"You have heard of me. I starred in the film The Lost Boys with my friend Corey Ian Haim in 1987. Plus, I believe that the term ‛vamp out' was created for that film.

"And, the vampires in that film look exactly like you when they show their vampire faces," he added. "Quite something, huh?"

Buffy and Spike couldn't believe what they were hearing. Not one bit of it. "No way," they said simultaneously.

"Way," Corey coolly replied.

A black fedora was blown along by the wind. Corey snatched it and put it on his head. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some bad guys to kill. See you later, Spike and Buffy," he said.

Buffy suddenly felt the sharp bite from the snake of guilt and winced while remembering what she had said to him before he had revealed his true identity, and then wishing she had chosen some different words instead.

So, simultaneously feeling remorseful and believing that an apology was in order, she called out to him, "Uh, Corey, I'm sorry about kicking you like that; I hope I didn't leave any bruises. And I don't really mind being called a little girl. I do feel like one sometimes."

"It's all right, Buffy. And as for the bruises, don't worry about that. I've had worse," replied Corey.

He smiled, waved goodbye and flew off, leaving Buffy and Spike behind. They were stunned, as well as a little intrigued.

"Wow. He's really cool," said Buffy.

"I cannot agree more there, pet. I think he and I both have that in spades," Spike said, nodding.

They walked to their mansion in silence, thinking over the events of what had just happened.


	2. A James Bond Vampire

**Well, here's the second and final chapter. In this one, Buffy has changed back into a Slayer with a mystery cure. And the lyrics to SexyBack by Justin Timberlake belong to their respective owners.**

* * *

It was the next night in a Los Angeles auditioning room. Aaron rose from his seat and crossed the room, Ortega's burning stare never leaving him. He placed his hand on the door knob to open it when the door opened, sending him backwards. Corey Feldman walked in. His clothes were perfect, his hair styled just right, a Coca-Cola bottle full of blood was in his left hand and a wicked smile adorned his face.

"Hello," he said. His smile hid his fangs.

"Hi. This is an audition room," said the woman.

Corey looked around the room. Realization struck him.

"Oh, you're right!"

Ortega was in complete and utter awe of Corey. He rose from his chair, his eyes wide and his jaw dropped.

"Corey Feldman?" said Ortega.

Corey looked around room. "Hey, who said that?"

Aaron pushed the door off him and stepped next to Corey. "He did."

"Oh," Corey replied, and then paused a bit. "Hey, you have some really long hair, man. Looks good on you too."

Ortega blushed and came round table. Yet, a stroke of brilliant realization hit him and he fell over. Random others rose from their seats and gasped as they gather around him.

A panicked woman asked,

"Kenny! Kenny! Are you all right?"

Ortega helped himself up as he replied, "How can you ask me if I'm all right? Of course I'm all right. Don't you see it? Can't you see it?"

The woman looked up and saw very confused Aaron and a cool, calm and collected Corey. "Erm, maybe."

Ortega shook all the random others off him as he slowly strode over to Corey with his arms in front of him.

"It's our Muse! Our Muse is standing before our silly mortal eyes. Don't you see? Mr. Feldman, you are an utter genius in my eyes. I mean, your performances – sheer, raw brilliance. I mean, License to Drive, Dream a Little Dream and The Lost Boys. You and Corey Haim were just so immortal and godlike in your exquisite performances…"

"Ah," said Corey in understanding, "you must've seen my movies. Thanks."

He took a bow, then walked over to the woman. He took her hand in his and kissed the ends of her fingers. She blushed. He smiled, showing his fangs. Then he turned to Ortega.

"So, I'm a Muse, huh? Cool."

Then music began playing – namely, "SexyBack" by Justin Timberlake. Corey smiled. The next night, he was in a dark alley next to a door leading to a nightclub, his back against the wall and one foot up against it like James Dean.

_I'm bringing sexy back_

_Yeah _

_Them other boys dunno know how to act _

_Yeah _

_I think your special what's behind your back _

_Yeah _

_So turn around and I'll pick up the slack _

_Take em' to the bridge_

_(Bridge)_

_Dirty babe _

_You see these shackles _

_Baby I'm your slave _

_I'll let you whip me if I misbehave _

_It's just that no one makes me feel this way_

_Take em' to the chorus_

_(Chorus) _

_Come here girl _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Come to the back _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_VIP _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Drinks on me _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Let me see what you're workin' with _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Look at those hips _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_You make me smile _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Go ahead child _

_Go ahead, be gone with it_

_And get your sexy on _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Get your sexy on _

_Get your sexy on _

_Get your sexy on  
Get your sexy on  
Get your sexy on  
Get your sexy on _

_(Verse 2) _

_I'm bringing sexy back _

_Them mother fuckers don't know how to act _

_Come let me make up for the things you lack _

‛_Cause you're burning up I gotta get it fast _

_Take em' to the bridge_

_(Bridge) _

_Dirty babe _

_You see these shackles _

_Baby I'm your slave _

_I'll let you whip me if I misbehave _

_It's just that no one makes me feel this way_

_Take em' to the chorus_

_(Chorus) _

_Come here girl _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Come to the back _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_VIP _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Drinks on me _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Let me see what you're workin' with _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Look at those hips _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_You make me smile _

_Go ahead, be gone with it  
Go ahead, child  
Go ahead, be gone with it_

_And get your sexy on _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Get your sexy on_

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Get your sexy on _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Get your sexy on _

_Go ahead, be gone with it_

_Get your sexy on_

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Get your sexy on _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Get your sexy on _

_Go ahead, be gone with it_

_Get your sexy on…_

_I'm bringing sexy back _

_You mother fuckers watch how I attack _

_If that's your girl you better watch your back_

‛_Cause she'll burn it up for me and that's a fact_

_Take em' to the chorus_

_(Chorus) Come here girl _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Come to the back _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_VIP _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Drinks on me _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Let me see what you're workin with _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Look at those hips _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_You make me smile _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Go ahead child _

_Go ahead, be gone with it_

_And get your sexy on _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Get your sexy on_

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Get your sexy on _

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Get your sexy on _

_Go ahead, be gone with it_

_Get your sexy on_

_Go ahead, be gone with it_

_Get your sexy on_

_Go ahead, be gone with it _

_Get your sexy on _

_Go ahead, be gone with it_

_Get your sexy on…_

Corey then walked over to a rapist. Quick as a flash, he was at the rapist's throat. Soon, the rapist was lying on the ground, dead. Corey cleaned his blood-stained fangs with his tongue, turned on his heel and stalked away.

"Now to tell Spike and Buffy."

Later on, Corey Haim joined him. Then they headed off to Spike's place. Buffy and Spike looked up as the Coreys landed in front of them.

"Coreys?" asked Spike. "What is it?"

Corey launched into his story. When he finished, Buffy looked intrigued, as did Spike.

"Wow," she remarked. "You killed a rapist just like that."

Corey nodded. "Yes. He deserved to die for all those crimes he committed against innocent women whose virginities he had stolen."

"I'm impressed," Spike remarked. "A vampire like you who does something like that is kind of like James Bond – only better, I'd say."

"Thanks," Corey replied. "And you're right – I **am** a James Bond, of course."

Buffy and Spike looked at each other. Buffy then explained that she was now the Slayer again.

"Apparently I didn't like being a vampire. So I did some thinking and I decided that being a Slayer was much more fun."

"Good for you, Buffy," said Corey. "A little mystery cure does help a Slayer-turned-vampire, you know."


End file.
